I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ttyl tear gas
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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