Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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