plz talk dirty to me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
