He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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