It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
