His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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