I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You made out with two different species that night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
