I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
