Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
