it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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