I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
