; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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