tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
