i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
