you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
