So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
