just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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