i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
