Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
