Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
