I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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