imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
