Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
