Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
