i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
