dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
