spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
