dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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