she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize