Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize