I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
