My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
