Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
