Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
