That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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