Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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