If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
