Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize