I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
