Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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