My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
where am i from again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
