you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
