when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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