u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
