Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
