the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
