Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's blow job season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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