I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
