Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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