if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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