am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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