bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
