Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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