I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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