I faked an abortion last night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
