she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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