my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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