I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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