So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
