Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
