What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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