New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
