hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
