no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
