im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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