I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
