i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
