So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
