why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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