I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
